Let’s be real: we’ve all encountered someone who’s words or actions grate our nerves, irritate us, etc. Look for the opportunity in that experience to grow as an individual. What can you learn from them? You might become more mindful of your own words and actions. Maybe you make a commitment to be kinder, more lighthearted, tolerant, or non-judgmental. Next time you come into contact with that person, and feelings of anger or annoyance start to emerge, allow yourself to fully feel that, and delay your reaction for a moment. Consider that there are a whole host of reasons this person might be acting in the way that angers you. If you reframe the story in your mind, you can feel less anger, and more compassion.
Anger and irritation are perfectly normal emotions. They may be uncomfortable, and we may feel aversion toward them and try to push them deep down inside ourselves. A teacher of mine from Kripalu, Aruni Nan Futuronsky, said: “The only way past the emotions, is through them.” In other words, we have to be willing to feel our emotions fully, in order to release them. Have you ever tried to push a beach ball under water? Doesn’t it shoot right back up? This is the same with our emotions. If we push them down, they will eventually pop up again. Alternately, we can feel the tension, and then say, “thank you anger, for providing me with this lesson, but I no longer need you.” Take this practice in stride. We don’t create sustainable change overnight. Give yourself the space to emerge from a place of compassion slowly. Give yourself permission to feel anger, so you can ultimately release it, and come back to a state of equanimity. Thich Nhat Hanh, in a recent interview with Oprah, said, “the lotus flower grows out of mud. Without the mud, we cannot have the lotus.” That is the nature of duality. Without anger, we could not feel harmony. Without sadness, we could not feel joy.